Should I stay or should I go?

Life has changed drastically since I last posted. There really isn't any particular reason I stopped writing. But, if I had to find one reason it may be because I was at such a confusing time in my life. I was questioning a lot of events, things, and people that were presenting themselves to me. Faced with heartbreaking decisions that I pushed away and procrastinated on facing. The choice of staying in Dallas or leaving for New York City to pursue a dream.

This choice of a new life meant leaving my comfort zone. This comfort zone consisted of waking up, getting a Sonic Dr. Pepper, going to work at an amazing facility, then coming home to my dog, Patti. The weekends filled with plans and invites from multiple friends or family at places I had already explored and knew. Saying goodbye to this comfort zone has by far been the scariest thing I have ever encountered.

The moment I decided I was going to go I had never felt so inclined to trust God. He basically brought this opportunity to me on a silver platter. The way everything fell into place could not be the work of man, but the big man himself. The words "I accept." rolled off the tip of my tongue to my recruiter. I had accepted a job offer in New York City. The excitement blurred the reality of what was to come.

But what has came nothing could of prepared me for. I can't say this has been an easy transition by any means. But this has been the best transition I think that has ever happened to me.

I almost feel obligated to reintroduce myself. I'm Tara, a 26 year old travel nurse from Texas. I live in a building with a doorman, yes an actual doorman who buzzes people and deliveries in for me. I have to walk to get groceries and use the little handles to carry all of them. But that does not stop me from buying my 12 pack of Dr. Pepper.  I have to at least have them since Sonic does not exist in the city. I hail cabs, and run to trains, I even take an uptown train to work every day. I have learned how to drown out the sounds of sirens, horns, and people yelling. Headphones in the city are basically my security blanket, with them I am in my own world walking through the most amazing place I've ever encountered. Historic landmarks such as Grand Central Station, The Empire State building, Central Park, surround me and in a sense I can already recognize that I take them for granted. I am Tara and I love my life.

However, with this there are things that I have realized how much I miss and how out of my comfort zone I am. Not seeing my family (yes this includes Patti) everyday. I have never felt so much appreciation and love for them. I miss them uncontrollably. FaceTime does help, but poor Patti is so scared to look at the phone so it doesn't help much. I do believe I have encountered true loneliness for the first time in my life since I have been here. I feel very alone. On the contrary though this experience has allowed me to discover who I am. I would of never found this side of me had I not made this crazy life changing decision. The process continues to challenge me but I can't imagine had I not agreed to live this fascinating journey. Because I fear that I would of never found me.

XOXO, TARA