Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

Today is a sad day. There really isn't a better adjective to describe it than "sad". Last night was my last shift working with Caralyn (my travel nurse buddy) who bravely convinced me to move to New York with her back in April. But first let's rewind and provide the foundation to why this day is so sad. 

It really all started on a trip with her to San Francisco for New Years Eve 2015. We arrived to DFW Love airport for our flight. I had worked with Caralyn at this point for almost three years now at Baylor Dallas in the ED, but at this point we hadn't hung out that much outside of work. Immediately after checking through security and re-dressing ourselves, it was like we were one person. In unison we both stated we wanted mimosas. I had an instinct at this moment that,"Hey I like this girl!" The entire trip was filled with spontaneity and adventure and definitely one I will always remember. There is a saying that says you will really get to know someone once you travel with them. This NYE travel adventure was only a sneak peak at what was to come down the road. 

Caralyn and I got back from the trip and back to our normal lives. Long story short, both of us had events happen with boys that we wanted to get away from Texas and start fresh. (Our theme song click here!) One night Caralyn casually mentioned travel nursing to me. She said that her and I traveled so well together to San Francisco and why don't we do travel nursing together. It made complete sense. Every bone in my body was petrified of the idea of leaving my comfort zone. 

Okay, travel nursing here we come. Then came the actual process of making this idea a reality. The paperwork that consisted to get our New York nursing license. The interviews and phone calls to make sure everything was completed on time was time consuming and stressful. Moving, shipping, packing our lives into suitcases. Finding where to go for orientation, or better yet how to even take the train to the hospital, then getting acclimated to the new job. My point is I could not have done this alone. No, let me restate that I would not have done this alone if it wasn't for Caralyn. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for this girl.

We have danced on tables together, drank champagne while watching the NBA finals, been hit by a car (yes this is true), screamed at the subway rats, danced to One Direction in the streets of the city, made millions of SnapChats, been total tourists, mastered the subway (well kind of), pigged out on delicious New York City bagels, had heart to heart talks while walking to and from work, there is so much more that I will cherish from these last 13 weeks that I haven't or couldn't list. So yes today is sad, because she is leaving for Arizona. While I have chosen to extend my stay here in New York. 

 I no longer have the instinct that "Hey I like this girl!" It's now, "Hey I love this girl and I'm going to miss the crap out of her." 

Should I stay or should I go?

Life has changed drastically since I last posted. There really isn't any particular reason I stopped writing. But, if I had to find one reason it may be because I was at such a confusing time in my life. I was questioning a lot of events, things, and people that were presenting themselves to me. Faced with heartbreaking decisions that I pushed away and procrastinated on facing. The choice of staying in Dallas or leaving for New York City to pursue a dream.

This choice of a new life meant leaving my comfort zone. This comfort zone consisted of waking up, getting a Sonic Dr. Pepper, going to work at an amazing facility, then coming home to my dog, Patti. The weekends filled with plans and invites from multiple friends or family at places I had already explored and knew. Saying goodbye to this comfort zone has by far been the scariest thing I have ever encountered.

The moment I decided I was going to go I had never felt so inclined to trust God. He basically brought this opportunity to me on a silver platter. The way everything fell into place could not be the work of man, but the big man himself. The words "I accept." rolled off the tip of my tongue to my recruiter. I had accepted a job offer in New York City. The excitement blurred the reality of what was to come.

But what has came nothing could of prepared me for. I can't say this has been an easy transition by any means. But this has been the best transition I think that has ever happened to me.

I almost feel obligated to reintroduce myself. I'm Tara, a 26 year old travel nurse from Texas. I live in a building with a doorman, yes an actual doorman who buzzes people and deliveries in for me. I have to walk to get groceries and use the little handles to carry all of them. But that does not stop me from buying my 12 pack of Dr. Pepper.  I have to at least have them since Sonic does not exist in the city. I hail cabs, and run to trains, I even take an uptown train to work every day. I have learned how to drown out the sounds of sirens, horns, and people yelling. Headphones in the city are basically my security blanket, with them I am in my own world walking through the most amazing place I've ever encountered. Historic landmarks such as Grand Central Station, The Empire State building, Central Park, surround me and in a sense I can already recognize that I take them for granted. I am Tara and I love my life.

However, with this there are things that I have realized how much I miss and how out of my comfort zone I am. Not seeing my family (yes this includes Patti) everyday. I have never felt so much appreciation and love for them. I miss them uncontrollably. FaceTime does help, but poor Patti is so scared to look at the phone so it doesn't help much. I do believe I have encountered true loneliness for the first time in my life since I have been here. I feel very alone. On the contrary though this experience has allowed me to discover who I am. I would of never found this side of me had I not made this crazy life changing decision. The process continues to challenge me but I can't imagine had I not agreed to live this fascinating journey. Because I fear that I would of never found me.

XOXO, TARA

Why Girls Are Just As Bad As Guys!

We owe men an apology ladies! Let’s face it I use to agree with the statement, “Where are all the good guys?” When in reality the statement, “Where are all the good girls?” Should in my opinion have just as much validation and here is why.

A few weeks ago I went out to a new bar in Uptown to meet up with some friends. Where I feel the theme in Uptown is all about proving that you are still as cool as you were in college. Anyways, we make our way to a table and couch area where the seven of us can lounge. While catching up, it was like the vibe of the entire group changed when this girl walked up. Unlike men, girls are intuitive at recognizing this type of girl. The type of girl is the honey badger. THEY JUST DON’T GIVE A SHIT. Regardless of what is going on or whom it involves their main concern is getting what they desire. For this girl her full energy was focused on one of the guys in our group. A couple of minutes go by and I personally had redirected my attention elsewhere. My assumption would be that my friend was not reciprocating the honey badger enough attention. What happened next, I desperately wish I could delete the mental image from my brain. The honey badger turned around directly in front of my friend, and then proceeded to bend over ninety degrees. At this point I am completely perplexed and I can only imagine the horrific facial expression I was displaying. She then pulls down her skinny jeans to not only expose her bright pink lacy thong but her entire butt as well. WHAT A TARABLE SIGHT!

This honey badger then slowly stands back up and tries to seductively glance over her right shoulder at my friend to see if she had caught his attention. Now maybe I am just getting old but what the hell just happened? My best friend and I both make eye contact and without speaking stand up to go grab a shot.

Like a bomb it hits me, what has this dating world come to? A rush of emotions and thoughts consume me. For years, girls have been accusing men that they are the bad ones in relationships. When girls are just as bad if not worse. We are just as big of players, liars, and cheaters but we just haven’t been exposed as much as men have. Girls are good at getting away with it because they know what to look for. Then the thoughts that filled my head were. What if she has a boyfriend? Or, what if the guy she is talking to happened to be on the other side of the room? Was this action out of spite? On a final note, this honey badger proved to me that no one, guys or girls, should have to do something that drastic to get someone’s attention. A good guy is hard to find, but you don’t have to pull your pants down to find one!

                                                 XOXO, Tara

HOW TO NOT GET HIT ON AT A BAR

So I'm going to share this with you. Let's hope you find as much humor in it as I do. For those of you who know me, I went to school at Texas Tech. Austin was not a place that had a positive image in my head. Guns up…yeah whatever. I now know that God was protecting me from Austin when I was 18 and deciding which college to attend. He knew that if I went to Austin, I would of failed out of college and never left. Austin is by far the best city in Texas. My brother left for NYC today so my mom, him and I all went on a road trip for our final farewell. Since I work the night shift my drinking has cut down quite a bit, some would call me a light weight. Our night started at this bar with a fun band playing live music. The main singer was quite interactive with his crowd so even though we knew none of the songs I couldn't help but enjoy it. There was even a time when he gave everyone red spoons to throw. However, mine ended up on my nose which I was quite proud of. We took a pedicab to the next place and if you haven't taken one of those I highly suggest it. We lucked out and ours had an iPod plus an awesome driver. As she blasted Taylor Swifts new song Shake It Off, we danced through the streets of Austin collecting other pedicabs. By the time we arrived we had about five of them dancing uncontrollably. Next, at our new destination I demanded everyone did Irish car bombs with me since those are my favorite. TARABLE IDEA! Thank you car bomb for sending me over the edge. Goodbye Tara. We then found a jukebox for some Michael Jackson and Blackstreet. Suddenly, there they were the TARABLE dance moves took over my body. At this point my only priority was dancing. While at the bar I vaguely remember holding my drink high as can be over my head and the next thing I know it was gone. Like a magician had magically made it disappear. Confused, I managed to keep dancing until I realized some guy was yelling at me. It was a bouncer, he had a broom in his hands but because of the music and my mental state all I heard was mumbling. My brother runs to my rescue and says, "Do not yell at her. Tara why are you standing in a puddle with glass?" I then realize it was my drink. Had I really just dropped it? Kenneth then says, "Oh my God was that YOUR drink?" Ashamed and not wanting to admit it, I nodded and had officially been cut off for the night.  Now the best part would be what happens next. Above me on the ceiling there were neon inflatable inner tubes. LIGHTBULLLLB! I was tired of being pushed around like a bumper car,  so I snatched one and placed it around my waist. It was perfect!!! No one could get close to me because I had a huge inflatable tube around my waist. I could dance and not a single person could dance on me. It was like I created a personal bubble. Additionally, if someone was too close for my liking, I would just bump them out of my way. Many others caught on and soon the dance floor looked like a giant pool party. The inner tube was taken away from me shortly after, but what a fabulous trend. So girls or guys if you don't want a bunch of randos dancing all on ya, take your floaties to the bar!

XOXO, Tara 

#HarryDateThisNurse

Planning...

Something you will learn that I am absolutely, 100% TARABLE at. I was such an odd kid, I loved to go school supplies shopping. Each year I felt the need to invest in a planner, since I was such a busy middle schooler…not. And each year my mother and I would get in arguments on why this year would be different and that I would actually use it. The last planner I bought was in my last year of nursing school, I get home start to write out all my assignments because I was going to be "organized" and guess what….it was the wrong YEAR!! Oops!

However, I must say if the event that requires planning is really significant to me, I somehow turn into this OCD, detailed oriented superwoman and dedicate an abundance of time to plan for it. The event recently was not a wedding. Nope not engaged, nor even close. This event was THE ONE DIRECTION CONCERT. Now before you start passing judgement and quit reading. I am going to take a moment to defend myself. I am only 25-years-old and Harry Styles is 20. Five years, that does not qualify me as a cougar by any means. I would rather proclaim myself as a puma. Harry Styles is definitely my one guilty pleasure, let's face it we all have them and he happens to be mine. People who know me tend to learn that I normally will always find something wrong with someone, but with him I simply can't.

Besides the fact that he is internationally famous and may never know that I exist. 

Anyways…

The concert was at AT&T stadium on August 24th, 2014. I bought tickets that were 9 rows back for my niece Kate and me. I knew that if I was going to get Harry to notice me I had to be close regardless the blow my bank account took. So not only were we 15 ft away, but I made a sign that I was hoping would catch his eye. "Simple but effective!" as Harry would say.

We started the day waking up to my alarm clock playing One Direction music. Jumping out of bed like it was my wedding day I dashed downstairs with the biggest smile on my face. I wanted the day to go perfect so I scheduled Kate and me an appointment at The Dry Bar. I had never been before and I must say their service was impeccable. Kate and I both got our hair done around 3 then headed home to get our makeup and outfits on. Once we parked and walked into the stadium I got chills. The place was enormous. Girls everywhere (and some guys) sharing the same love for this band as me. We found the sign that said FLOOR SEATING and made our way down. In order to get to our seats, we had various checkpoints that we had to present our tickets in order to continue to get closer to the stage. We reached the last lady and she pointed us in the right direction. I couldn't believe how close we were. I could literally see Harry's facial expressions.

Now that I was positioned and ready I needed him to get to see the sign. Being 5'9'', in 4 inch heels, and surrounded by teenagers I must say I stuck out like a sore thumb, perfect for Harry to spot me. The band made their way out singing their first song Midnight Memories and there he was. He made his way to the stage at this point he was not singing. I could see his eyes going back and forth reading the words of my sign. I saw his face flush red and filled with a smile followed by a laugh. HE SAW IT! More songs go by and he makes his way back towards us. I stick the sign up directly in front of him knowing there is no way he can't see it. Just like that BAM! While signing Live While We're Young, Harry Styles pointed directly at me.

IT HAPPENED HARRY SAW ME! 

He did make his way over a few more times to our side of the stage throughout the night. Repeatedly, I held up the sign and received more smiles/glances from Harry. The night couldn't of gone better.

Now, I know that you may doubt me and thats fine. I really don't care. I did capture this on video and have several eye witnesses that will vouch for me. 

So here it comes: me turning into the OCD, detailed oriented superwoman. This plan involves me going to the Tulsa One Direction concert, yes another one. Sitting on the floor again with the same sign, however, this is where I need your help. I would like suggestions on what to put on the other side of the sign. Something that is clever to get me backstage to meet him. If you have any ideas please let me know!!! :) I would really appreciate it. 

XOXO, Tara

LIFE IS A GAMBLE

Taking chances is terrifying. You get the queasy feeling knowing you just put yourself out on the line. Hoping the chance is worth it. Take roulette for example, you're placing a bet on what you HOPE is the winning number. My winning number is 24. I was at Winstar gambling for my Dad's birthday and I found myself hypnotized by the sound of chips being placed on the red and black table. Surprisingly, I ended up winning a total of $480.00 and it was because of taking a chance. There you are holding chips, placing on a number that you hope by some odd fate it hits. However, those split seconds of deciding which number is worthy of choice, you experience a wave of emotions. Nerves, doubt, faith, and pure fear. Until you hear the dealer say, "WINNER 24 black!"

Now the chances of hitting your number are slim and when it does happen it is well worth it. You not only win, but win big. So, if you're at a point in your life where you're trying to decide if you should take a chance or not, maybe this message is what you've been waiting for. I hope it encourages you to act. You are going to be nervous of course, mostly about failure. Most definitely you will doubt your choice. No doubt faith will be the hardest thing to have. Lastly, you're going to be fearful. But you know what? It's okay. That's right, IT IS OKAY! But what if you take this chance, bet on yourself, and win big!!! Whether it be moving to a new place, starting a new career, or even taking a chance on love. I can promise you this, enduring all these emotions is well worth the pay out because it's going to get you exactly where you belong.

XOXO, Tara

WORK IT GIRL

I am thrilled beyond thrilled actually. I've always grown up around sports and have been an athlete my whole life. In fact, I still remember having a t-shirt as a kid that said, "Forget the doll, give me the ball." My mother made me throw it away eventually. Back then I was considered a tomboy. It wasn't normal for a girl to be good at sports or play the majority of time with boys at recess. That was me, and still is me. I LOVE SPORTS. Now though, it excites me that the "athletic" body type is becoming a social norm. Girls everywhere now have muscles and aren't toothpick thin. Girls are doing cross-fit, yoga, running, sand volleyball, basketball, weight lifting- it's everywhere and they are rocking it. The tomboy is now getting just as many likes as the skinny model and it's about damn time!!! There is nothing more satisfying than wearing workout clothes, running shoes, and my hair in a pony tail. Nightly, I find

myself putting in headphones, blasting my music, and completely losing myself as I run. So work it girls, keep it up and don't give up, because the tomboy isn't so TARABLE after all. 

XOXO, Tara